Growing Sideways…

I have been fairly quiet lately, quiet online and at shows. I mean I haven’t been to many shows really since the pandemic, the amount of shows we have done is greatly reduced recently.

The actual amount of shows we attend has diminished over time for various reasons, not the least of which is finding our nitch, so to speak. Early on Vicki and I had Renaissance Festivals and indoor shows for over half the weekends out of the year. That is A LOT of travel and shows. I miss it, sometimes. But that much travel always made it difficult for me to get into a painting groove. Some artists can come home from a week away and jump right back in where they left off into a piece. I am not one of those people. It sometimes takes me a week or two to find my flow again.

So things shift over time and online interactions increased while we reduced the amount of travel we did due to life. (Age, family, kids, life) Initially the online interactions were only written and slowly one sided and then video and streaming became easier and we jumped in there. We could connect with everyone and keep the benefits of being home while doing that.

I love going live on Instagram and chatting with people while I work. It makes me feel as if I, we, are at a mini convention and I get inspired and energy from everyone. Several years ago we were very consistent with this, every Saturday or Friday night for a good hour to hour and a half we would show up and many people would come along to chat.

In the last few years it seems the world has changed quite a bit. For one thing, I started doing concept work full time at a game company. It’s extremely fun and very much in my wheelhouse. I still do contract work and am currently illustrating a novel for a publisher. I continue to do my own personal work in the midst of everything as I find that my own work gives me the most peace of mind and energy to approach everything else.

We haven’t been as active online in terms of livestreaming, as that takes a certain kind of energy that I have in less supply, lately. I love seeing people’s reels and feeds but find that I tend to make different decisions when being observed while working. I do like the interactions and the connections that are made during a live feed but overall I have become increasingly …hermetic and ascetic, generally increasingly more focused on narrower bands of exploration. Not that I ever really stop experimenting but I have done a great deal of that. It’s just part of my nature. …and it’s not a bad thing to find a groove that suits you more than others and refine your direction and efforts to go in a more singular direction.

So, while my online presence has decreased, my presence in my work has increased.

When I am drawing or painting while being filmed or watched, the piece changes, my decisions change. How I go about working is different when I have a camera on me.

More directly, I make different decisions when I have any “eye” watching me. It’s not necessarily bad but often leads to less familiar work or process for me.

Let me be dramatic… I need the solace and quite of the night, to be alone with my thoughts in order to hear them more accurately.

At in person shows I like to bring a sketchbook, Vicki likes to call it my security blanket. (She isn’t wrong) Whether I draw in it or not it comforts me and then when things are slow during show times I can fall back into a drawing. I never really fully finish anything at an in person show, but ideas seem to come and flow when I can bounce off the energy of a convention. The people, the art, the vendors, the energy… It all energizes and influences my work but that tends to have a more dramatic impact when I get back to the studio and can quietly process that energy into directed action.

Sometimes you must put ego aside and ask what is it that I need to learn in order to move forward and other times you are best served by just letting it all *be* what it is. Sometimes growth happens sideways (not like Hobbits grow sideways J)…not better or worse but different. But different can definitely lead to more direct growth or movement forward.

So for now I feel like I’m growing sideways.